Monday
Meatloaf
Tuesday
Dream Spaghetti
Wednesday
Macaroni Grill bagged meal
Thursday
Crockpot Cube Steak & Gravy
Friday
Homemade Pizza
Saturday
Orange Ginger Chicken
Monday, May 20, 2013
Monday, May 13, 2013
Asa Michael - Birth Story (Part 3)
Part 1
Part 2
{My beloved} Dr. Thompson was on call this day (Friday). If my memory serves me correctly, he came in at some point that morning (not sure what time) to talk about what we would do next. He had already done some research and thought that the drug Cytotec would be our best bet for the next step. But he said that he was going to go do a little more research and read some more studies just to make sure. Did I mention how much I love him? It was around 9:40am that he came back and reassured us some more from his research that this would be safe for me and it was the right direction to go. So he inserted the Cytotec (a dissolveable tablet) and we just waited. They would give me up to 4 doses of this drug and the dose was every 6 hours. So I was thinking how I could potentially be waiting 18 to 24 hours more before anything even started to happen. My worst fear was that this drug would do nothing for me and I'd end up having a c-section after all that time.
So, we waited. We ate, we played Fun Run, we talked about some of the hard decisions (that parents aren't supposed to have to discuss regarding their children), we watched tv, we laughed, we visited with James, we read, we picked out his name, we cried. We waited. When Dr. Thompson came back to do the second dose at about 4:00pm, I was starting to have some cramping - nothing regular yet - but it was something, so I was relieved that it was working. I believe Dr. Thompson was there till 7:00pm that day, so this was wrapping up my time with him.
Sometime after the second dose, probably late afternoon/early evening the cramping became contractions and they started to come regularly. I specifically remember eating my dinner while Mom & Ashley were there visiting and noticing that contractions were starting to come regularly. We just talked and watched tv as the evening went on and contractions got worse. One thing I remember that is funny now, is that the nurse I had at that time, Dee, would ask me how the "cramping" was, and I was so annoyed because this was not cramping - it was definitely worthy of the label "contractions" to me. Maybe they are the same thing in the medical world but I was just so annoyed at the time. :)
Mom and Ashley left around 8:30. Mom had to go home and get my kids to bed -- MeMe Kay had been staying with them. And Ashley had to go home because James had to do some overtime. The contractions were definitely still bearable at that point, but getting worse. It was somewhere between 9 and 10:00 pm that contractions were really hurting me because I told Dee I was ready to start fluids so I could be ready for the epidural. When she started me on fluids, she asked if I wanted her to go ahead and request the anesthesiologist to come, or if I wanted to wait. When she asked, I wasn't having a contraction so I told her I wanted to wait (why???). But once she left the room to go get me some water to drink, I had another contraction and quickly changed my mind. So when she came back in I told her I was ready! When she came back again she said that there had been some kind of emergency surgery so the anesthesiologist was going to be a little while.
She said she could give me Stadol which is a fast-acting narcotic and takes the edge off of the pain. I very happily agreed to that. It was definitely fast-acting in how quickly it started working, and how long it lasted. It was great while it lasted - I did still feel the pain, but I was really loopy and care-free. I know this happened in the 9 o'clock hour because I was looking forward to watching Shark Tank all day, but then I couldn't really focus on it because of the Stadol. Then, just as it started working quickly, it stopped working quickly as well. I'm not sure what time it wore off, but then it was just me and the contractions, desperately willing the anesthesiologist to come to my rescue.
The doctor on call that night, Dr. Gillam (another new doctor to me) came in to see how things were going at around 10:00pm. She checked me and I was about 1.5cm dilated. I wouldn't have to get to 10cm to be able to deliver him, but I think I remember her saying it could be 7 to 8 cm. I'm thinking it had to be at least an hour of hard contractions before Dr. Laser (the anesthesiologist) finally got there. I labored just as hard physically with Asa as I did with either of my children (and I got to 6cm with Declan). From what I read about the drug Cytotec, it has been known to cause uterine rupture, and the FDA does not recommend it for inducing labor (obviously my situation was different since I was not full-term and it was a stillbirth). But I know people wonder if it was like regular labor, or if it wasn't as painful as a normal birth, but it was BAD. There was no way I could move my body that provided any kind of relief and it was all I could do to just get through each contraction. I was doing the "breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth" thing and Anthony was rubbing my back. I had totally counted out the possibility of ever having a vaginal birth since Bailey and Declan were both c-sections, and yet, there I was.
We estimated that it must have been around 11:30 when Dr. Laser finally got there. The circumstances didn't even matter at that point; I was SOO relieved to see him. If you've ever used an epidural during labor, you know exactly what I am talking about. It took him a couple of tries -- I think my back wasn't quite curled enough the first time, so he had to try again. Not really comfortable, but well worth the relief it provided. I think it must have been somewhere between 11:45pm and 12:00am when he finished up and left. The epidural started diminishing the pain pretty quickly, and soon I didn't feel the contractions at all.
I was finally able to rest and was hoping to get some sleep. It was probably 12:15 or 12:20 when the nurse came in to check on me. She did all the things she had to do and then I settled back down to rest and Anthony laid down to try to go to sleep. Not more than a minute or two after she left I felt like something was starting to come out of me. I reached down to feel, and sure enough, I was right. I remember so clearly saying to Anthony, "Umm, Anthony, can you go get the nurse? I think something is coming out of me." I'm sure it caught him by surprise and he muttered something about pushing the call button. He walked around to the other side of the bed and pushed the button and they didn't even respond over the intercom but the nurse came really quickly. I'm guessing maybe they expect things to happen quickly, so they respond quickly. So I told her that something was coming out of me, she pulled back the covers to check, confirmed that he was coming, and rushed out to get Dr. Gillam.
When Dr. Gillam and the nurses came back in the room, Asa was already nearly out, so she just sat down on the foot of the bed to catch him as he entered the world. The delivery was amazingly quick and easy - I didn't have to push at all. So just as quickly as it started, it was over. I don't even know how far dilated I actually got since there was never a chance to check again. They took Asa to get him cleaned up and Dr. Gillam worked on getting the placenta delivered. Dr. McMillan had told me that in these cases sometimes the placenta doesn't deliver on its own so they have to do a D&C type procedure, but Dr. Gillam never seem concerned about that and I think I remember her saying something about having a "few tricks up her sleeve" for that, and sure enough, she got it delivered pretty easily. The nurse was getting me cleaned up and changed when Ashley came back in around 12:50. I said to her "You missed it!".
Just a few minutes later they finally brought Asa to me. He was all wrapped up. Death had already taken its toll on his body, but he was perfectly formed. We unwrapped him so we could just take all of him in: his little ears, his bump of a nose, his sweet lips, his muscular legs, his tiny fingernails and toenails. He was perfect.
During the delivery and most of the time we got to spend with him, I was really peaceful and didn't cry much. I can only attribute that to God's peace that really does pass all understanding. I am a "crier" by nature -- it does not take much to make me cry. But there really were not many tears during our time with him, and I am thankful for that. I was just able to enjoy holding him, and sleeping with him, just like I did with Bailey and Declan. We kept Asa with us for almost 10 hours during the night and into the morning, and they are certainly hours that I will treasure forever. They only took him away once to get his weight, footprints, etc. and they never rushed us and told us we could take as long with him as we wanted.
The later into the morning hours we got, the more the sense of dread was growing in me. I knew the time was coming when I was going to have to hand my son to someone I don't even really know, and they were not going to bring him back. I was going to have to leave the hospital without him. I remember a couple times my nurse Megan had mentioned that she would take him whenever we were ready, but I wanted to keep him with me as close to the time I was discharged as I could. So finally the time came when we were all ready to go, and just waiting on the paperwork so we could leave. Megan mentioned it again and somehow I found it in me to tell her that she could take him now. I think I knew that it was not going to get any easier no matter how long I waited, so I thought I should just go ahead and get it over with.
This is the hardest part. It's the hardest thing to type out, and I do it through tears, and probably why it has taken me so long to finish this post. Megan came around to the right hand side of my bed. I had already started to cry as I finished telling her that I was "ready", not that you can ever be ready to see your son for the last time on this earth. As Asa was in transition between her arm and mine, she embraced me with her other arm and cried with me. She told me that she would take good care of him, and that was so meaningful to me. Yes, what we held was only a shell, but I've heard it said that a mother's heart does not know how to stop loving, and it's true. I had dreamed about him, planned for him, and loved him from the moment I saw the two pink lines. And then I had to let him go.
A short time later, Megan came back with my discharge paperwork and with Asa's tiny knitted blue hat he was wearing, and the knitted multi-colored pastel blanket that held his little body. Absolute treasures to me. Then it was time for Anthony to go get the car, and for me to be wheeled all the way to the front door of the hospital, just like the moms who leave with babies in their laps. I wondered if people we passed were wondering about me, the girl with flowers in her lap and tears in her eyes. I mostly held it together during that wheelchair ride and made small talk with Megan, mostly about our kids (she had a 2 year old son). She was incredibly kind and loving to me. Then Anthony pulled up, we loaded our stuff in the car, and we left that hospital, where Asa's body still laid.
There are many more things I want to say, and I'm sure I will say some of them in time. It's been hard, and it still is hard. We know that this was part of God's plan for our family, and we are trusting Him. He has given us so much grace and peace, but it is still hard and to be honest, I still cry many days. I know it's easy for others to forget and move on (and I understand, I've been on the other side of the fence). But I want my son to be remembered and to be important. So, I hope that hearing his story will make him memorable and important to many, and I hope that our family is able to point others to Christ through our sweet Asa Michael and our trust in our sovereign God.
Part 2
{My beloved} Dr. Thompson was on call this day (Friday). If my memory serves me correctly, he came in at some point that morning (not sure what time) to talk about what we would do next. He had already done some research and thought that the drug Cytotec would be our best bet for the next step. But he said that he was going to go do a little more research and read some more studies just to make sure. Did I mention how much I love him? It was around 9:40am that he came back and reassured us some more from his research that this would be safe for me and it was the right direction to go. So he inserted the Cytotec (a dissolveable tablet) and we just waited. They would give me up to 4 doses of this drug and the dose was every 6 hours. So I was thinking how I could potentially be waiting 18 to 24 hours more before anything even started to happen. My worst fear was that this drug would do nothing for me and I'd end up having a c-section after all that time.
So, we waited. We ate, we played Fun Run, we talked about some of the hard decisions (that parents aren't supposed to have to discuss regarding their children), we watched tv, we laughed, we visited with James, we read, we picked out his name, we cried. We waited. When Dr. Thompson came back to do the second dose at about 4:00pm, I was starting to have some cramping - nothing regular yet - but it was something, so I was relieved that it was working. I believe Dr. Thompson was there till 7:00pm that day, so this was wrapping up my time with him.
Sometime after the second dose, probably late afternoon/early evening the cramping became contractions and they started to come regularly. I specifically remember eating my dinner while Mom & Ashley were there visiting and noticing that contractions were starting to come regularly. We just talked and watched tv as the evening went on and contractions got worse. One thing I remember that is funny now, is that the nurse I had at that time, Dee, would ask me how the "cramping" was, and I was so annoyed because this was not cramping - it was definitely worthy of the label "contractions" to me. Maybe they are the same thing in the medical world but I was just so annoyed at the time. :)
Mom and Ashley left around 8:30. Mom had to go home and get my kids to bed -- MeMe Kay had been staying with them. And Ashley had to go home because James had to do some overtime. The contractions were definitely still bearable at that point, but getting worse. It was somewhere between 9 and 10:00 pm that contractions were really hurting me because I told Dee I was ready to start fluids so I could be ready for the epidural. When she started me on fluids, she asked if I wanted her to go ahead and request the anesthesiologist to come, or if I wanted to wait. When she asked, I wasn't having a contraction so I told her I wanted to wait (why???). But once she left the room to go get me some water to drink, I had another contraction and quickly changed my mind. So when she came back in I told her I was ready! When she came back again she said that there had been some kind of emergency surgery so the anesthesiologist was going to be a little while.
She said she could give me Stadol which is a fast-acting narcotic and takes the edge off of the pain. I very happily agreed to that. It was definitely fast-acting in how quickly it started working, and how long it lasted. It was great while it lasted - I did still feel the pain, but I was really loopy and care-free. I know this happened in the 9 o'clock hour because I was looking forward to watching Shark Tank all day, but then I couldn't really focus on it because of the Stadol. Then, just as it started working quickly, it stopped working quickly as well. I'm not sure what time it wore off, but then it was just me and the contractions, desperately willing the anesthesiologist to come to my rescue.
The doctor on call that night, Dr. Gillam (another new doctor to me) came in to see how things were going at around 10:00pm. She checked me and I was about 1.5cm dilated. I wouldn't have to get to 10cm to be able to deliver him, but I think I remember her saying it could be 7 to 8 cm. I'm thinking it had to be at least an hour of hard contractions before Dr. Laser (the anesthesiologist) finally got there. I labored just as hard physically with Asa as I did with either of my children (and I got to 6cm with Declan). From what I read about the drug Cytotec, it has been known to cause uterine rupture, and the FDA does not recommend it for inducing labor (obviously my situation was different since I was not full-term and it was a stillbirth). But I know people wonder if it was like regular labor, or if it wasn't as painful as a normal birth, but it was BAD. There was no way I could move my body that provided any kind of relief and it was all I could do to just get through each contraction. I was doing the "breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth" thing and Anthony was rubbing my back. I had totally counted out the possibility of ever having a vaginal birth since Bailey and Declan were both c-sections, and yet, there I was.
We estimated that it must have been around 11:30 when Dr. Laser finally got there. The circumstances didn't even matter at that point; I was SOO relieved to see him. If you've ever used an epidural during labor, you know exactly what I am talking about. It took him a couple of tries -- I think my back wasn't quite curled enough the first time, so he had to try again. Not really comfortable, but well worth the relief it provided. I think it must have been somewhere between 11:45pm and 12:00am when he finished up and left. The epidural started diminishing the pain pretty quickly, and soon I didn't feel the contractions at all.
I was finally able to rest and was hoping to get some sleep. It was probably 12:15 or 12:20 when the nurse came in to check on me. She did all the things she had to do and then I settled back down to rest and Anthony laid down to try to go to sleep. Not more than a minute or two after she left I felt like something was starting to come out of me. I reached down to feel, and sure enough, I was right. I remember so clearly saying to Anthony, "Umm, Anthony, can you go get the nurse? I think something is coming out of me." I'm sure it caught him by surprise and he muttered something about pushing the call button. He walked around to the other side of the bed and pushed the button and they didn't even respond over the intercom but the nurse came really quickly. I'm guessing maybe they expect things to happen quickly, so they respond quickly. So I told her that something was coming out of me, she pulled back the covers to check, confirmed that he was coming, and rushed out to get Dr. Gillam.
When Dr. Gillam and the nurses came back in the room, Asa was already nearly out, so she just sat down on the foot of the bed to catch him as he entered the world. The delivery was amazingly quick and easy - I didn't have to push at all. So just as quickly as it started, it was over. I don't even know how far dilated I actually got since there was never a chance to check again. They took Asa to get him cleaned up and Dr. Gillam worked on getting the placenta delivered. Dr. McMillan had told me that in these cases sometimes the placenta doesn't deliver on its own so they have to do a D&C type procedure, but Dr. Gillam never seem concerned about that and I think I remember her saying something about having a "few tricks up her sleeve" for that, and sure enough, she got it delivered pretty easily. The nurse was getting me cleaned up and changed when Ashley came back in around 12:50. I said to her "You missed it!".
Just a few minutes later they finally brought Asa to me. He was all wrapped up. Death had already taken its toll on his body, but he was perfectly formed. We unwrapped him so we could just take all of him in: his little ears, his bump of a nose, his sweet lips, his muscular legs, his tiny fingernails and toenails. He was perfect.
During the delivery and most of the time we got to spend with him, I was really peaceful and didn't cry much. I can only attribute that to God's peace that really does pass all understanding. I am a "crier" by nature -- it does not take much to make me cry. But there really were not many tears during our time with him, and I am thankful for that. I was just able to enjoy holding him, and sleeping with him, just like I did with Bailey and Declan. We kept Asa with us for almost 10 hours during the night and into the morning, and they are certainly hours that I will treasure forever. They only took him away once to get his weight, footprints, etc. and they never rushed us and told us we could take as long with him as we wanted.
The later into the morning hours we got, the more the sense of dread was growing in me. I knew the time was coming when I was going to have to hand my son to someone I don't even really know, and they were not going to bring him back. I was going to have to leave the hospital without him. I remember a couple times my nurse Megan had mentioned that she would take him whenever we were ready, but I wanted to keep him with me as close to the time I was discharged as I could. So finally the time came when we were all ready to go, and just waiting on the paperwork so we could leave. Megan mentioned it again and somehow I found it in me to tell her that she could take him now. I think I knew that it was not going to get any easier no matter how long I waited, so I thought I should just go ahead and get it over with.
This is the hardest part. It's the hardest thing to type out, and I do it through tears, and probably why it has taken me so long to finish this post. Megan came around to the right hand side of my bed. I had already started to cry as I finished telling her that I was "ready", not that you can ever be ready to see your son for the last time on this earth. As Asa was in transition between her arm and mine, she embraced me with her other arm and cried with me. She told me that she would take good care of him, and that was so meaningful to me. Yes, what we held was only a shell, but I've heard it said that a mother's heart does not know how to stop loving, and it's true. I had dreamed about him, planned for him, and loved him from the moment I saw the two pink lines. And then I had to let him go.
A short time later, Megan came back with my discharge paperwork and with Asa's tiny knitted blue hat he was wearing, and the knitted multi-colored pastel blanket that held his little body. Absolute treasures to me. Then it was time for Anthony to go get the car, and for me to be wheeled all the way to the front door of the hospital, just like the moms who leave with babies in their laps. I wondered if people we passed were wondering about me, the girl with flowers in her lap and tears in her eyes. I mostly held it together during that wheelchair ride and made small talk with Megan, mostly about our kids (she had a 2 year old son). She was incredibly kind and loving to me. Then Anthony pulled up, we loaded our stuff in the car, and we left that hospital, where Asa's body still laid.
There are many more things I want to say, and I'm sure I will say some of them in time. It's been hard, and it still is hard. We know that this was part of God's plan for our family, and we are trusting Him. He has given us so much grace and peace, but it is still hard and to be honest, I still cry many days. I know it's easy for others to forget and move on (and I understand, I've been on the other side of the fence). But I want my son to be remembered and to be important. So, I hope that hearing his story will make him memorable and important to many, and I hope that our family is able to point others to Christ through our sweet Asa Michael and our trust in our sovereign God.
Meal Plan Monday
Monday
Easy Bean Enchilada Casserole
Tuesday
Cheddar Cracker Chicken
Wednesday
Pancakes (per Bailey's request)
Thursday
Southwest Chicken
Friday
Dinner with friends
Saturday
Homemade Pizza
Easy Bean Enchilada Casserole
Tuesday
Cheddar Cracker Chicken
Wednesday
Pancakes (per Bailey's request)
Thursday
Southwest Chicken
Friday
Dinner with friends
Saturday
Homemade Pizza
Monday, April 29, 2013
Meal Plan Monday
Monday
Orange Honey Pork Chops
Tuesday
Dinner Out (maybe Red Robin, I have a free burger there) - we have to go to Charlottesville to pick up Anthony's tux
Wednesday
Spaghetti & Meatballs
Thursday
Jeremy & Carmalita's Wedding!!!
Friday
Southwest Chicken
Saturday
Ham & Cheese Quiche
Orange Honey Pork Chops
Tuesday
Dinner Out (maybe Red Robin, I have a free burger there) - we have to go to Charlottesville to pick up Anthony's tux
Wednesday
Spaghetti & Meatballs
Thursday
Jeremy & Carmalita's Wedding!!!
Friday
Southwest Chicken
Saturday
Ham & Cheese Quiche
Monday, April 22, 2013
Meal Plan Monday
Monday
Make-Ahead Muffin Melts
Tuesday
Dinner @ Mom's -- Anthony has a softball game this evening
Wednesday
Taco Soup
Thursday
Spaghetti & Meatballs
Friday
Beef Burritos
Saturday
Garlic Lemon Pork
Make-Ahead Muffin Melts
Tuesday
Dinner @ Mom's -- Anthony has a softball game this evening
Wednesday
Taco Soup
Thursday
Spaghetti & Meatballs
Friday
Beef Burritos
Saturday
Garlic Lemon Pork
Monday, April 15, 2013
Meal Plan Monday
Monday
Pizza Stuffed Shells
Tuesday
Homemade Pizza (didn't have this last week)
Wednesday
Spaghetti & Meatballs
Thursday
Taco Soup
Friday
Crockpot Cube Steak & Gravy
Saturday
Leftovers/Out to eat w/ gift card??
Pizza Stuffed Shells
Tuesday
Homemade Pizza (didn't have this last week)
Wednesday
Spaghetti & Meatballs
Thursday
Taco Soup
Friday
Crockpot Cube Steak & Gravy
Saturday
Leftovers/Out to eat w/ gift card??
Monday, April 8, 2013
Meal Plan Monday
Monday
Papa John's Pizza
Tuesday
Pork Loin
Wednesday
Might use a Subway gift card, or eat at Mom's before church
Thursday
Pork BBQ Sandwiches
Friday
Homemade Pizza
Saturday
Vicky is coming to visit and bringing us Tokyo!!!
Papa John's Pizza
Tuesday
Pork Loin
Wednesday
Might use a Subway gift card, or eat at Mom's before church
Thursday
Pork BBQ Sandwiches
Friday
Homemade Pizza
Saturday
Vicky is coming to visit and bringing us Tokyo!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
